Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
