Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
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