If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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