Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
