I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
