He is an equal opportunity slut.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
