Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
