dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
