If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize