wake up i wanna do it froggy style
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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