Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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