Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
