Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
