addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
