Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
