Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
