I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
not ubering you a puppy
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
