the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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