he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
