Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
