you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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