just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
