Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
