one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
