Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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