I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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