I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
