in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Are we still banned from the library?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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