Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
