The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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