She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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