why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
