My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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