I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
