im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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