her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
