he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
