It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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