So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
