lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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