You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
