Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
