Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
