I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So vagazzling was a success
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
