Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO