if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i came on her dog
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?