Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....