Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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