I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.