im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'