if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This is my gift to your gina
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
