its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
