those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
