one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize