i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
