I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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