I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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