did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
