I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
