but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
