the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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