im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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