I love black thongs
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i drank out of a bidet.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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