The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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