i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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