the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
