i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
