We're like a lot better than the average bears
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize