i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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