Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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