so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
