he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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